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Manu’s Grab Bag: Outcoached. Outclassed. Outplayed.

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Coppa Italia champs no more as Juve gets blown out by Atalanta

Atalanta BC v Juventus - Coppa Italia Photo by Emilio Andreoli/Getty Images

It’s understandable that people are upset about the Coppa Italia quarterfinal matchup against Atalanta we just witnessed on Wednesday night. I know we didn’t necessarily look our best, it is an undisputed fact, and Juventus has looked way better in other games this season.

But, listen, them gray kits are really growing on me! Not a traditional Juve color, but the execution is not terrible and I quite like the Henley buttons. Still a distant third in the current available kits, but…

Oh, the game, yeah, that went awful as well.

Give me a sec...

“Hey, Danny, do I definitely have to turn in an article or can I just post this gif and call it a day?”

“Really? You sure? Fine, whatever.”

So, yeah, let’s talk about the game, I guess.

Winner: thesaurus.com

Was looking for a word to characterize how Juventus played against Atalanta, but you know what? You take your pick because they all apply.

Winner: Duvan Zapata

Man, that’s some insane numbers. And holy hell did the Colombian striker absolutely boss Juventus’ makeshift backline. Was it ideal that we were without our two top center backs against the most in-form striker in Italy? Probably not, but I’m not even that sure they would have been able to stop Zapata.

It was the proverbial unstoppable force colliding against a rather flimsy, entirely movable object.

Loser: Everyone?

Did anybody in a Juventus jersey have a good game? Was there anybody at all that you could salvage out of this whole mess?

Were you aware that Sami Khedira played 70 minutes? In a world in which every player actively hurt our chances, Khedira disappearing for ¾ of the game was by default almost good, that’s how awful the whole game was. Joao Cancelo played so bad that he fell from my top 10 most important people in my life and is now between 15 and 20. The entire attacking trident, the much-ballyhooed best part of the team, was as ineffective as they have been all season. Cristiano Ronaldo had a piss poor game for the — checks notes — third game in a row? Can we give the guy some rest, maybe? I know he is a demigod and the most in shape 33-year-old in the history of ever, but still, let him get out of his mini-slump.

Winner: Kit purists.

A decent amount of folks on this blog here enjoy the look of the kits better when they have fewer patches, I understand where they coming from, but I always like the kid with both the Scudetto badge and the tricolore badge, just as a reminder to everyone. We won everything.

But for those that disagree, congrats! The round tricolor badge will officially not be on next year’s kit.

The “Least self aware tweet” award.

Yes! Awesome burn, team that has not been relevant since 2010. So close to that big 1 0 of no relevancy at all, what do they call that, the tin anniversary? Put it in context, last time Inter mattered one bit the iPhone 4 was brand new, Jose Mourinho was still considered a very good coach, Barack Obama was president of the United States and Donald Trump was a reality TV host.

Honestly, though, our Interisti friends have reached the point of celebrating other teams losing as their own wins. That’s sad, I wonder how that once proud squad is doing?

19 points — chuckles — right.

The #AllegriOut moment of the game.

The whole game if we are being honest? He got thoroughly outcoached the entire first half, in fact so outcoached that he absolutely lost it and got red carded before the first half was even over

I’m no expert or master tactician, but that was probably bad, right?

Full disclosure, I’m a full blown Max Allegri apologist, there are somethings I don’t love about his managerial style, but all in all and looking at the absolute roller coaster other top teams experience, Allegri’s stability the last few years has been a blessing.

But he was bad, plain and simple, no two ways about it.

This game is a solid 4 out of 5 in the #AllegriOut scale, the, “Wonder what Zinedine Zidane is doing right about now?” of the scale.

Parting shot of the week.

I don’t need to tell you, it sucks to be bounced from the Coppa so early. And it for sure sucks to get bounced the way they just did, getting completely overrun and all around embarrassed.

To add insult to injury, Giorgio Chiellini got hurt early on and while it seems the injury is not going to be too bad, he is still not going to arrive 100 percent to play against Atletico de Madrid in the Champions League. So, yeah, hard to find a lot of positives from Wednesday night’s game.

What is worth mentioning is this. Juventus had won the Coppa four straight times before this year. We were all aware this was bound to end at some point, right? Nobody wins forever, especially in one off games where the defending champion is the away team, for whatever reason.

(It’s probably a draw or something, I don’t know, I don’t care, I won’t Google it)

The Coppa run is over; it was going to happen sooner or later. However the Scudetto run is very much alive, if you want to feel better for a moment.

Song of the week for… Juventus FC

Nobody Speak, by DJ Shadow ft. Run The Jewels

Fellas, rough game, let’s get back to square one, refocus and please, oh dear god, please. Don’t ever play like that again.

Nobody speak for at least a few days.

Have a take, a question? Want to grief out loud about this game? Email the Grab Bag at BWRAOmailbag@gmail.com to get featured!