Champions League draw results: Juventus get Man United, Valencia and Young Boys in group stage

The have been years past where Juventus’ draw for the Champions League group stage have left a lot of people thinking that they were going to finish atop the standings with room to spare. Other years have us wondering what the hell Juve will need to even get out of the group stage because things are so crowded.

I’m thinking there’s more of the first option rather than the second this time around.

Juventus found out its three group stage opponents on Thursday night, with Manchester United, Valencia — hey, a Spanish side! — and Swiss side BSC Young Boys being the trio that will be the first to experience the European version of Juve with Cristiano Ronaldo on the roster.

And, as per unofficial Juventus Champions League rules, there must be some kind of Ex Effect going on, with Ronaldo facing the club where he absolutely blew up in United and his Portuguese countryman, Joao Cancelo, set to face a Valencia side that just made €40.4 million off his sale this summer.

So, let’s just do some quick knee-jerk analysis of Juventus’ three opponents, shall we? (Don’t worry, we will have much more thorough and actual analysis coming your way in the next few days after Juve’s trip to Parma this weekend.)

• Manchester United currently resemble a dumpster fire and nobody knows just how long their current manager will be their current manager.
• Valencia could definitely finish second in this group, and will be that annoying team that Juve probably has to grind out a result or two against.
• Young Boys — which advanced to the Champions League group stage by beating Dinamo Zagreb, something that will certainly make Mario Mandzukic even grumpier than he already is most days — are the club that everybody will expect Juventus to dismantle 12-0 in both games.

This is the analysis you know you needed, and you’re welcome for it.

This is kinda the classic Champions League group with a clear-cut hierarchy after the draw. You’ve got the two big headliners in Juventus and Manchester United. There’s the solid No. 3 club in Valencia, that will probably snag points from somebody to make a run at a knockout round spot. And then Young Boys is the side that everybody will expect to finish fourth and get beaten down over the course of the six group stage games.

How all of that plays out is still to be determined, obviously, but I have to think that based on current form and all that, 99.9 percent of folks will be predicting Juventus to finish atop Group H.