It's not very often that we get to go to a second hand to count how many goals Juventus scores in one game. Usually Juve don't even get seven goals in a week's worth of games, let alone over the course of one single 90-minute match. But that was the case against Serie A's bottom dwellers, Parma, on Sunday afternoon at Juventus Stadium.
And it's not like they were cheap goals, either.
Juventus dropped seven goals on Parma Sunday afternoon in Turin. The last time Juve exploded for a whole slew of goals like that, it was three years before I was born, a 7-0 win over Ascoli in the 1982-83 season. At one point, it was almost like LeBron James' hype session when he first got to Miami. Juventus scored not one, not two, not three, not four, not five...
Some goals were prettier than others. Some were just in another class of their own. Let's rank them.
7. Fernando Llorente, 35' (3-0)
I mean, if you had a pinpoint cross come to you while you were unmarked in the 18-yard box and a wide open goal to shoot at, wouldn't you pretty much be a lock to score? Okay, maybe not executed perfectly all the time, but you get it.
The goal was Llorente's third in his last three Serie A games. It marked another step forward in what had been a tough start to Llorente's second season with Juventus. If a brace is a way to say he's officially on the road to regaining the kind of form he had last season, the keep on going down that path, Fernando.
6. Carlos Tévez, 57' (5-0)
Antonio Mirante gave up a good number of juicy rebounds against Juventus, and this one was one of the biggest. Make 'em pay, right? Yep. Tévez second goal was nowhere near as awesome as the first. But with a brace against Parma, Tévez is now atop the Serie A scoring chart once again — although with some company from José Callejón — with eight goals this season. That's pretty darn good.
5. Álvaro Morata, 87' (7-0)
That cross, that half-volley for the finish, what a pretty goal to end the 7-0 win on. It was the end of a banner day for Lichtsteiner — two assists and one pretty finish (scroll down for that one) against a club he's required to be awesome against. It was Morata who scored the final goal of the game, making it three different Juventus strikers to record braces against Parma on Sunday.
So, for those keep track, that's Morata's fourth Serie A goal in 211 minutes played. That's one goal every 52 minutes. That's also pretty darn good for a guy who has started all of one league game this season. Yep, good.
4. Álvaro Morata, 75' (6-0)
The shot by Morata itself was relatively easy. But the reason why it's in the middle of the pack is because of the pass from Kingsley Coman — who absolutely lit things up after coming on for Tévez midway through the second half. I'll talk about chipped goals in a little bit, but chipped passes over the top of a defense are just as wonderful. And Coman definitely set this goal in motion with a wonderful assist to Morata.
You know, just as a side note, if Max Allegri wants to play the kids some more, that would be fine by me.
3. Fernando Llorente, 22' (1-0)
I'm a sucker for chipped goals. When Claudio Marchisio was truly making a name for himself at Juventus after his loan spell at Empoli, it seemed as though every goal he scored was via a lovely chip. So, yeah, chips have a soft spot in my heart — especially when they come from players who don't normally score those kinds of goals. And Fernando Llorente would be considered one of those, mainly because he's known for his
Llorente's goal officially opened the flood gates. We didn't know it would end up 7-0 at the time, but when Parma's defense starts leaking goals, it's probably a good sign that more chances to yell "RETE RETE RETE!" is on the way.
2. Stephan Lichtsteiner, 28' (2-0)
This is where I remind you that Stephan Lichtsteiner is a defender who only scores a couple of goals a season. And this is also where I remind you that with this lovely goal from the Swiss Express, he has now fulfilled the unwritten rule in his contract that he must score at least one of those goals whenever Juventus plays Parma.
Was Lichtsteiner in the right place at the right time? Well, yeah. But to control the ball with one touch and then strike the ball just about as good as you can was just remarkable.
And if you want to laugh, watch how nonchalantly and casually Paul Pogba is walking back towards the center of the field when Lichtsteiner makes contact with the ball. It's pretty amazing.
1. Carlos Tévez, 49' (4-0)
That's it. Just watch it. And then watch it about 50 more times.
- Juventus 7-0 Parma: Seventh heaven for Juventus as Lichtsteiner and the strikers make Parma pay
- Juventus 7 - Parma 0: Initial reaction and random observations
- Game Time Thread: Juventus vs. Parma
- Juventus vs. Parma Preview: Round 11 — Taking care of business?
- Juventus striker Álvaro Morata receives first call-up to Spain squad