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Juventus Lookalikes- Our New Secret Squad

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Brief comment on Siena-Juve. Well, that sucked. But since it seems pretty certain that Empoli is going down, we need a farm team for next year, right? Let's hope they can do better than they did with Molinaro. I mean, c'mon Secco, this isn't tough. Look at Balzaretti last year, and Molinaro this year. Or, look at the highlights from the game yesterday! De Ceglie flies up our left flank and if any "other Bianconero" was around, maybe a goal. Molinaro, on the other hand, nearly gifted Siena a goal if not for the heroics of Chiellini. Bravo, Molinaro, bravo. Here's to you not being here next season! (Zampa, please!!)

But as long as our team decides to not give a shit, why not let them sit at home? And here is my master plan to rest key players while still putting key members on the field. After all, if their visual presence is all that matters, why bother tiring them out?

Cristiano Zanetti- That Guy From Scrubs

All we gotta do for "the good guy Zanetti" is fly to Los Angeles, abduct that guy from Scrubs, and head back to Turin. Maybe on his vacation, Cristiano can get some acting skills like Nani.

Del Piero and the E Street Band

One time when watching a game, mia mamma asked why Bruce Springsteen was playing Italian footy. I wondered why I saw Del Piero on her E Street CD. With all the comments in the media about how old ADP is, just throw Springsteen on the field instead. Let Del Piero stay at home and throw darts at his Roberto Donadoni dartboard.

Gigi Buffon- That Guy From Crash

Alright, so that-guy-from-Crash-and-other-supporting-roles has a really big forehead in this picture. Maybe in real life too. No problem, just make sure he wears one of Buffon's goofy volcano hat things and we'll be set.

Even before the last one, I'm sorry Tiago, I really am. I'm one of your fans, after all, you locked that dunce Cobolli Gigli in the bathroom. This was not in any malicious spirit at all, it's just uncanny. If it's any consolation, she's pretty hot.

Tiago Silverman