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Juventus v Cagliari Preview; Plus Old Lady's, Tank Tops, and Tampons.

Fresh off of our Coppa Italia dismissal, the Bianconeri square off against the basement boys of Serie A in our Sunday fixture against Cagliari. Fresh off of their last minute victory against Napoli, the Rossoblu are riding that proverbial wave of momentum into this one along with a little bit more of my respect. You see, by taking all three points from Napoli, Cagliari managed to square an uneven points debt that had been established earlier this season after Juventus was thwarted by Napoli's superficial aerial-acrobatics. So, for never giving up and in the process levelling some unfinished business of ours, I give you credit, and thanks. There, I've said my peace. Now Cagliari, i'm afraid you must die.


" Victory is mine!" Stewie Griffin

I wish I could throw you a bone here Cagliari, I really do, but the truth is I can't. You know how it is, we come from two different worlds. What would people think? Juventus is that stuck-up uptown girl *lady excuse me, who commands respect and demands to be showered with all of the riches, pearls, accolades, and trophies European soccer has to offer. Cagliari is that tanned, southern sailor who comes into port with his catch as he croons into the hearts (and beds) of every village signorina. I mean, we just can't have any that. Sure we can be a little mischievious at times, as most spoiled girls are, but unfortunately this relationship can never be anything more than just a few flirtatious glances as you clean my swimming pool.
It's not you Cagliari, it's me.

Speaking of Juventus' insecurities, Ranieri will do his best to field a starting eleven amidst the usual injuries and suspensions. Starting from the back, Belardi will once again play between the posts as our number one remains sidelined. The good news is that the Gazzetta is now reporting we might have him back before next week's clash against Udinese. This, of course, is great news as rumours are still circulating that his back might require surgery. I'll keep an eye out for any developments in that one for sure. In the centre of defence, we'll see Lego and Grygera. Stendardo, who looked very active against Inter, will unfortunately miss this one on suspension. So expect Ranieri to give ol' man Birindelli a breather as he brings Salihams back into a right full back role with Molinaro employed in his regular left flank position.

As for our midfield, the ex-Cagliarino, Zanetti, will miss this one on suspension. So the door is wide open for Momo to begin to impress. The only question is whether he'll come in as starter or as a sub once Tiago stinks up the field for the first 45. Channel4's preview of this game is a little fucked as they think Sissoko is still in Ghana, but last time I checked he's good to go in this one. Expect Nocerino to start in the centre of the park with Palladino on his right and Nedved, a.k.a. the regally blonde bomber, on the left. Camoranesi, who just keeps on gaining more and more street cred as this season goes on, will probably come in as a sub later in the game. Up front Del Piero and T-Rez, who are both playing their faces off at the moment, will have their chance to continue their blazing form, as Iaquinta will miss this one on suspension as well.

Speaking of blazing, earlier this season when these two teams squared off, the game was dope. Eight yellow cards, 5 second-half goals, an insane Camoranesi brace, a late Chiellini winner, and a Frenchman keepin' a camerman in check. With the final score ending 3-2 for Juventus, I hope Sunday's game resembles at least one of those five events.

Zebina vs Cagliari

The pink tank top really compliments his tampon.

Zebina has choked bigger men than you!